Meet Derek

I don’t have to tell you all that in my shamanic way of life I link to the spirits of everything around me. This includes machines who help me. I feel a bi t of mutual respect and friendliness goes a long way which is why you’ll hear me thanking the tumble-dryer or dish-washer (who all have names)

lil monkeyThis might go back to a time when I was very little visiting my mother’s bank in Piccadilly, the manager allowed me to play with his pop-up address book. He told me there was a tiny monkey inside who matched the letter you pressed with the ones you wanted and showed you the corresponding addresses. Ever since I have been subconsciously aware of the tiny monkeys inside machines.  This explains why I take my cash and say “thank you” in whatever language required when I use an ATM.

We have a new friend. As I explained before, the Old Feller suddenly got it in his head that we needed a Sat-Nav to go in Vanner the new camping-car.  It duly arrived and has a masculine voice so I called it Derek (Derek Shun-Aide). He is well-spoken and polite so I have to reply. Unfortunately he is not programmed to speak back.

“At the next junction, turn right”.

“Thank you, Derek.” but not a word of “you’re welcome” or “my pleasure”

I may have to hack into his innards and fit my Brian voice control which was an app I got from the insurance company who use Brian the Robot as“> an advertisement. I particularly want him to go “wheeeeeeee” when we do as he asks!

I would love to have the other half of the increasingly hysterical rant in which I indulged this morning when Badger had told Derek we were a lorry.

“Continue for 2.7 kilometres”

“We won’t, Derek. We know another way and it”s OK for this car. Sorry.”

“Re calibrating”

“No, really. There’s no need to take us via Frettes, we aren’t really a lorry. I am sorry, Derek, It’s HIS fault.”angry woman

“In 1.8 kilometers turn right and drive for  6 kilometres.”

“No! Sorry, Derek, It’s not your fault but we do know a better way.”

You see the problem is that I really do feel sorry for the little monkey inside who is doing his best to help us and being sodded around by the Old Feller. I was distraught. I hate upsetting people, even machines.

7 thoughts on “Meet Derek

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