Not myself

Some of you expressed an interest in an advanced healing procedure I tried on myself so I’ll do my best to give you the basic outline. First off – please do NOT try this at home. I’m lucky enough to have been practising various types of spiritual exercise for a long time and leaping into this from a standing start would be like giving a two-year old a box of matches and then being surprised if they set fire to something. Don’t mess about with spirit worlds on your own. Get training, find a friend but don’t start out doing Olympic athletics before you can jog a mile without collapsing.

There are two ways to explain what I have been suffering from since my near- fatal accident back in August last year. Following a three-week coma, I have not “been feeling myself”. (Anyone who did an Eric Morcambe impression and quoted Good, that was a nasty habit you had there can join my fan club!) You know what I mean, don’t you? People often say it after severe trauma.wrecked bike

My symptoms were Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME), deep depression, sleeping for over twelve hours out of 24 and general lethargy. In short, I wasn’t the bright spark I used to be. I was also irritable, tetchy and downright bitchy which is a shame as I have lost friends through it. Too late to make amends but early enough to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

The psychological explanation is simple. Remember that I am a pretty experienced psychologist from the other side of the desk as well as a witch/healer. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In effect, like amnesia following an accident, the body and mind close off certain portions to protect them from further damage and allow time to repair. Twice in my life I’ve had serious accidents and both times my memory is blank from a while BEFORE it happened because remembering the actual incident would do more harm than good.

Spiritually we explain it that a part of the soul has taken itself off for repair and protection. What is the soul? Well we could do another series of blog posts on that subject so let’s just accept that soul is the spark that makes you YOU.

Mike Williams PhD

I’m extremely lucky to have had Mike Williams PhD as my tutor on some of the paths in life and we have stayed good friends. I don’t like to burden him with my problems as he has usually equipped me to deal with them myself. However, I was desperate and asked him about “soul retrieval” which is doing a shamanic journey to seek out that part of the soul which has gone into hiding. He very kindly directed me to an article he had written

I was in a bind. Being a “bus driver” I don’t like to be driven and I have to know and trust the other shaman implicitly before putting my soul in their hands. I chatted to another very experienced friend and we thought I ought to be able to do this myself. We discussed where to look. I went back into my childhood and remembered thinking, during the nightmare of abuse, losing my father and being ill most of the time, that when I died I would like to go to Narnia instead of heaven. My other problem was money. I am about to lose half my income and I can’t afford to go traipsing off to the other side of France to visit a shaman with whom I may not be able to work.

More exchanges with Mike and he declared that, knowing me as he did, I could do it. I’m not a novice so wouldn’t make any glaring mistakes and have enough spirit friends to help me with whom I have journeyed many, many times.

So in the end that is what I did. I enlisted the help of Ali, our house djinn as I was looking for something and he pointed out “I am Ace Finder” so he is now proclaiming himself an apprentice shaman.; don’t tell him but I still consider myself in that category. We never learn enough in one lifetime to proclaim ourselves “arrived”.

AliObviously I can’t go into great details as this is highly personal but I found the part of my soul that was in hiding, in the shape of a small, mistreated girl with permanent ear-ache, in a place that did resemble my own version of Narnia and where I have no doubt I will go when I leave this plane.

I’m very much better. I’m more myself, if you know what I mean. And Ali is very happy too.

3 thoughts on “Not myself

    1. I know – in my opinion, only from experience, trauma of any variety can lead to this – physical injury or psychological trauma – both can lead to soul loss / post traumatic stress. If you want to know more, PM me on FB.

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