A very nice friend on FB remarked this morning that I don’t bang on about my health problems. That was kind if not strictly true but it gave me a wonderful idea for a riposte to the kind of bollock-brain who wants to make me feel small.
Listen, mate, you are a bit late. The gods beat you to it. I was born with several things wonky. I have, at a current run-down
Bipolar Disorder (manic depression) including severe lack of self esteem
deafness (getting worse)
instability (I wobble a lot)
spinal scoliosis (including one leg longer than the other)
dizziness (drop everything I pick up)
a couple of broken bones which will get better but sting a bit
cuts and grazes (any number of)
no appendix, uterus, spleen or various other organs and a jar of kidney stones which I keep by the bed.
And you think that YOU can make me feel bad with a few silly “talk down to you” words? You are a bloody amateur, Sir. Go away and take a course on insulting.
I am very pleased that I deal happily with all the gods because this morning having chatted to some native spirits and a couple of Hindu deities, I turned to the Blue and White lady on the hill and said her special prayer. She reminded me to “bless them that curse you and hate not”. She’s right – they bring their own curses on their heads and oh boy – were I to wish harm on that person, a nasty case of piles (painful but can’t talk about) would be the least I’d wish… but I don’t – I feel sorry for someone who prides himself on being able to handle other people ………….with spiked gloves on! But don’t discount the piles… I am, after all a witch in pain and smarting with hurt pride.
The Bingergread Cottage 
Your reply to the above made me chuckle. Do you want to meet my mother? She would try and give you a longer list and out-do you. Seriously though, life is a bitch and often-times you meet bigger ones. You seem to be doing really well from where I stand and your sense of humour is intact. That is the best medicine when someone does your head in with platitudes. Have a grand day and ignore the stupid ones.
The whole incident says a lot about the person concerned, and not in a good way. You’re worth a million of him. And Hell hath no fury like a Scotswoman scorned…
I have no idea what went on but as someone else says, at least they didn’t remove your sense of humour with all those bits of your innards. I hope you are still recovering well. Sod the buggers. I quite enjoy being really, really polite to people who insult me. Few things piss them off more. Alternatively, just ignore them. 😉
Take care and I hope the broken bones and anything else that can mend does so, quickly.
Cheers
MTM
I agree…as long as you can still make faces at the world, not to mention a few hand gestures…