It’s a word we use all the time, isn’t it? We say thank you for the slightest thing. We are properly brought up to say please and thank you.

I wish there were a more profound word for thanks. I want to say something more. There isn’t a word.

Yesterday I went to the hospital for my final evaluation and I had masses of good news. If I tell you that my psychological diagnosis is a bit worse than the original one, you might find that strange. I’ll tell you why. Physically I’m in great shape despite the punishment I’ve meted out to my body. That was a great surprise.

Although I’m not in Britain, I get all the news from there and the situation with disability makes me very unhappy. I am registered invalid because of my Bipolar Condition and a deteriorating wonky spine. Over here we take a far more enlightened view of this sort of thing. As the doctors said to me yesterday, “Of course you are an invalid. Let’s be brutal. Who would employ you? Searching for a job would only make your mental state worse and that would be more of a burden on the state.”

Thank you. No, BIG thank you. I hear of people who are blind, hardly able to move and in a wheelchair but they are classified as able to work because they can button up their cardigan. Really? Are we being serious here? There are days when I could go back to my old job of teaching English to adults, my manic days when I am bursting with energy. My lessons would be fantastic. There are also the days when I can hardly drag myself out of bed. The “hide under the covers and cry” days.

No employer is going to accept that. The Social Security accepts that. They know that if I were forced to go back to work I would end up hospitalised in a very short space of time, they save money and give me my invalidity pension.

No, it isn’t funny having my conditions, but it is a HUGE relief knowing that I won’t have to fight the state to just keep a roof over my head.

I know that there are few bad apples that give the rest of us a bad name but from those of us who truly aren’t fit…thank you. Humble, sincere and grateful thanks.

Under the covers and cry day
Under the covers and cry day


6 thoughts on “Thanks

  1. Ailsa, there are no perfect humans in this world, our imperfections vary from individual to individual. Some people have to carry the additional load of ill health but do so with grace and humour which is what you do.
    Other people have no physical or mental issue but are emotionally devoid – these are the people we do not need in our lives and who do horrible things to other people and animals.
    I think it is fair to say that people enjoy having you in their lives and that the last thing they expect is a ‘Thanks’ just more of what you give everyday. XX

    1. Sally, that is possibly one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me. I shall write it on a bit of paper and keep it in my “treasures box”. I take them out and play with them when the “duvet days” come.

  2. Nothing is completely good or bad. “Every rose has its thorn.”
    Knowing is always better than fretting over the why, when, where, and how questions.
    You are alive, you are fascinating – every day. Those who fail to see are not worth knowing.

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